He is such a slut. More and more my type.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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