Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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