Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
