Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
