Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
