Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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