woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with