there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
