Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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