I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.