he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
