is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
