ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
