I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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