You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're a waste of cheezeits
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
