he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
