Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
