I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
