My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
