i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
