Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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