I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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