12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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