i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
