I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
