i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
