I don't remember. Are we still dating?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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