Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
