You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
