Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
