hell yes lets make some ravioli
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Be still, my beating vagina.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
