I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
