I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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