there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
