Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
