I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
