like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
