you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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