i think my mom watched the whole time
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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