I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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