sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
