My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
