considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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