Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
