jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
send nudes
from the living room?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
