Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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