This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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