Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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