I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
True college students do jello shots in the library
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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