I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
