he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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