I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I fill condoms, not promises.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
