I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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