I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
