she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
