And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
