I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
