I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
