His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
sex in a hospital.. check
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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