Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
