My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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