Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
