she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
