All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
