I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
