After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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