Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
