just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
