if you like me you must not know who I am
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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