What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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