we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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