It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
