when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
