I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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