just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she told me i tasted like america
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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