WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
