1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
