Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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