Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
