Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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