i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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