If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
